More of my awesomeness.

It's Saturday, and for the first time in about 3 months, I'm not at a convention. Ah. Ahhh...Let me savor this for awhile. A weekend to myself.

For continuity's sake, let me declare that the mattress is good. It makes the bed higher than we're used to, but I've been sleeping straight through, two nights in a row. This is helpful, because it allows my nightmares to actually reach their second and third acts. Normally, my awful dreams do a good job of introducing and defining characters and revealing trigger events, but I never establish conflict or reach a conclusion because I'm always forced to wakefulness by a dislocated shoulder or a spring in my ribcage. Because of this new mattress, last night I saved my family from the neighborhood plague of giant zombie bees and we lived happily ever after.

Zombie bees. Zombeez. A-ha. Trademarked and copyrighted, Ethan Van Sciver 2008.

Hunter and I mowed the front of the house this morning, (you'll recall that I mowed the back lawn two postings ago) but I got too close to some little brick formation that Sharis had created to protect our baby magnolia tree, and the lawnmower blades make a horrible anvil-striking noise and warped. Hunter was worried. "Dad, you can't smash bricks." I told him that I could, but our lawnmower didn't seem able to. I flipped it, and whacked it back into shape with a mallet. It started right up again, and all was well.

The mail brought us a Barbie doll that I'd ordered from Ebay. It comes with a dog that eats it's own fecal matter. You feed it these brown pellets, and it comes out the dog's rear end. And then you feed it the same pellets again. Whoever came up with this, this distorted Betsy Wetsy notion, is a genius. Hunter and I kept the dog, had a laugh, and then gave the god forsaken Barbie doll to the little girl next door. (The same one whose parents were under guard by the SS a few days ago.) She seemed pleased.

So far, that's been my day. Other than the fact that Ace, our Great Dane, knocked one of our new dishes off the counter with his enormous wagging tail. That was a lowlight. I'm thinking of getting some meat at Shane's Rib Shack later, and perhaps some ice cream. It's one of those hot summer days that requires meat and ice cream for completion. You're all welcome to come along.

In fact, thank you,

Ethan VS