Thursday, June 5, 2008

Dear me. My back hurts this morning. This mattress is GONE in just a few short hours, replaced by a marvel of THE SPACE AGE that ought to help me sleep better. And thank goodness for that.

I ventured into my MYSPACE messages this morning, never a safe thing to do with a clear head, and got an angry message from a fan who looked a little like Penn Jillette. (Not uncommon, actually.) It was titled "Pittsburgh didn't kill it's wife", and I immediately knew what it was about. You see, as it's well known in the comix circle, the promoter of the major convention in Pittsburgh was recently convicted of having murdered his wife a decade or so ago. He remarried and thought he'd gotten away with it, but some recent evidence lead police right back to him, finally, and now he's been placed into the system.

I thought it'd be a good idea to avoid that particular convention until it finds itself under new management, but this fellow disagreed.

"Pittsburgh didn't kill its wife.

Pretty low, man.

the only people you're punishing are the fans. "

And he goes on and on about it. I wish I could not 'punish the fans' and still not support a murderer. It's a catch 22.



Anyhow, I decided our neighborhood needed a fascist element, so I bought a CSI prop (a corpse dummy) and dressed him in German military officer gear. I placed him in front of the window that over looks our next door neighbor's koi pond, because that's where they spend most of their time. Gardening, stuff like that. They must never feel that they aren't being watched by the Wehrmacht!!

She came over today and politely asked that we move the Nazi. She was creeped out by it. Jawohl!

Alright, the mattress is here. The guys they sent over lifted the boxspring, and it turns out we had slats all along. Now we've got more. Brrow, our cat, came hauling tail out from under the bed. She was traumatized that the dogs were allowed in my office last night. That's HER sanctuary.

Alright, I've got to deal with this mattress thing. I'm out!

Ethan VS

5 comments:

Josiah said...

Yeah... that's... that's something to do I guess. Where do you find things like CSI Corpse Dummies, and did you already have the Nazi gear, or were you able to pick that up at the same store?

Abby said...

knock knock knock.. "hi, yes..can you please move your nazi for me? Thanks..you're swell"

That's such an Ethan thing to do..haha I love it!!

Saint Holiday said...

Eehee!
Fascist mannikins! What a great niche market for eBay. Do you mind if I borrow the concept? My sackcloth and ashes business isn't doing very well. And my resurrection clothing line for the dead hasn't really caught anyone's attention. I thought the latter would be a sure-fire success. I mean, who wants to rise from the grave all naked on that glorious day to come? I tried parachutes for the Rapture, but failed with that product also. But there must be a tremendous market for fascist mannikins. Every child's bedroom should have at least one. You have the mind of a genius. Give it back to me.

Love,
The Ancient of Weeks

Hannah said...

So... was the new bed all you hoped it would be?

Jenna said...

You make me laugh out loud, Ethan. Those neighbors don't know how lucky they are to have the constant dose of humor and genius right next door. Good one.